Alright, alright, alright... Europe wants to build more high-speed rail. Big deal. I'm supposed to be impressed? This is the same EU that can't even agree on what time it is, and now they're promising to slash travel times between capitals? Color me skeptical.

The "Sustainable" Express: Choo-Choo to Utopia?

So, the EU's patting itself on the back for this "action plan" to make rail "a more attractive alternative to short-haul flights." Yeah, because that's the problem. Not the soul-crushing airport security lines, the $17 bottles of water, or the general feeling of being cattle crammed into a metal tube. No, it's the speed that's keeping people from ditching Ryanair for Deutsche Bahn.

Give me a break.

They're throwing around numbers like Copenhagen to Berlin in 4 hours instead of 7, Paris to Rome in under 9. Sofia to Athens in six hours instead of nearly fourteen. Those are some serious cuts. But let's be real, who's actually traveling between Sofia and Athens on the reg? I’m willing to bet the number of people who take that route is close to zero.

And Lisbon to Madrid to Paris? Tallinn to Riga to Vilnius to Warsaw? Sounds like a geography quiz gone wild.

The real kicker is the bit about "removing cross-border bottlenecks, with options for speeds above 250 km/h when economically viable." "Economically viable?" That's code for "we'll build it if it doesn't cost too much, and if it does, we'll just blame someone else." It ain't gonna happen.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the "sustainable transport investment plan." They need €100 billion for "sustainable fuels" by 2035? One hundred billion? That's enough to buy a small country. Twice. Are we really supposed to believe that this money won't just vanish into some bureaucratic black hole, never to be seen again?

Ticketing Nightmares and Bureaucratic Black Holes

Let’s talk about this "enhancing cross-border ticketing and booking systems" nonsense. Have these guys ever tried to book a train across two European countries, let alone five? It's a friggin' nightmare. Every country has its own website, its own payment system, its own weird rules about seat reservations and luggage. It's like they're actively trying to make it as difficult as possible.

It’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with instructions written in hieroglyphics.

And "strengthening EU-level governance, including harmonised standards and authorisation processes"? That sounds like a recipe for endless committee meetings, mountains of paperwork, and absolutely zero actual progress. The EU has released information regarding Connecting Europe through high-speed rail.

I’m not saying high-speed rail is a bad idea in theory. It's just that, in practice, it always seems to get bogged down in red tape, political infighting, and cost overruns. Remember that Berlin airport that took, like, a decade longer to build than it was supposed to? Yeah, something tells me this high-speed rail plan is gonna be the same story.

Then again, maybe I'm being too cynical. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe the EU will actually pull it off and create a seamless, efficient, and affordable high-speed rail network that connects the entire continent.

Nah. Who am I kidding?

Another Round of Empty Promises?

Look, I'm not holding my breath. This whole thing smells like another exercise in PR spin, designed to make the EU look good while doing absolutely nothing of substance. They’re probably hoping we’ll all forget about it in a few months when the next shiny new initiative rolls around. Well, I won’t.